so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize