my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
