Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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