Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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