I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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