and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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