I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
