The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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