he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
