You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
