I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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