he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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