have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
