I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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