I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He passed out mid-signature
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
