Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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