Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
