Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize