Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
