I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
