I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
