well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
