My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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