she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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