turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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