when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize