you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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