yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize