i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
