oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
