hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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