i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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