you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
