I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
