i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So much rum. So many feels.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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