I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
