I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize