The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
