I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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