pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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