Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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