well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
