Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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