I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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