I looked at my own cervix.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
