So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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