And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
