I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
