Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
