so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
