Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
