hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
