I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I looked at my own cervix.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
