You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
