if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
