I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
