No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
