The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
