so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
