I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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