you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
