You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
