Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
