need another drink. this is the easiest way
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
