I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
