When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
