My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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