I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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