Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
