Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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