doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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