I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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