Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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