Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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