ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
