it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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