I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
