I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
