Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
