I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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