I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize