I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
