we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
