get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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