I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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