I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
