someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
