I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
