Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
