Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
