we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
