No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
