Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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