worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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