we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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