Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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