My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
