hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize