i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize