Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
