i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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