Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
