you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
