I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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